I know yesterday you didn't want to get into the pool.
Part of it was the weather, to be sure. It wasn't like the suffocating, humid days that populated our childhood, where we'd run helter-skelter into the lake in Minnesota just for the chance to cool off. Yesterday, instead, was overcast and drizzly, cool for mid-August, with a slight breeze that threatened rain more than it did clearing. When I saw the forecast and checked the radar, I decided to leave my swimsuit at home. You are braver than I am.
It wasn't just the weather that caused you pause, nor was it just your decision to bear the chilly weather that made you brave. It was that you have had a baby, this beautiful little boy I call my Bubby, who runs like a wild man and smells like sweet lotion, who is learning to say "Mom-meeeeee!!!!" with his husky voice and give kisses and high-fives. And having Nehemiah, my Bubby, changed the way you look a bit, as having a baby is wont to do.
I understand it all too well--having a baby stretches you in ways you expect but can't fully understand until you look in the mirror and realize that the marks that appeared on your tummy as you carried this new life didn't magically disappear once that new life was here. I carry marks from Elaina, and more from Ellie. I carry a few extra pounds, too. Even when I'd lost those pounds after having Elaina, my weight didn't fit me like it had before. It takes time to get used to this new skin, and no matter how much you love your baby, and no matter how hard you try to reach that old number on the scale, sometimes it is hard, maybe even impossible, to love the way you look afterwards. (Ellie is 3, and I am still trying.) And I know what it's like to feel like all eyes are on those marks and few extra pounds. They aren't, of course. But when they are all you see yourself, you don't expect anyone would see anything else.
And that's why my heart soared as I went going through the pictures I took yesterday at the pool.
Don't you see?
You have never, ever been more beautiful.
It wasn't just the weather that caused you pause, nor was it just your decision to bear the chilly weather that made you brave. It was that you have had a baby, this beautiful little boy I call my Bubby, who runs like a wild man and smells like sweet lotion, who is learning to say "Mom-meeeeee!!!!" with his husky voice and give kisses and high-fives. And having Nehemiah, my Bubby, changed the way you look a bit, as having a baby is wont to do.
I understand it all too well--having a baby stretches you in ways you expect but can't fully understand until you look in the mirror and realize that the marks that appeared on your tummy as you carried this new life didn't magically disappear once that new life was here. I carry marks from Elaina, and more from Ellie. I carry a few extra pounds, too. Even when I'd lost those pounds after having Elaina, my weight didn't fit me like it had before. It takes time to get used to this new skin, and no matter how much you love your baby, and no matter how hard you try to reach that old number on the scale, sometimes it is hard, maybe even impossible, to love the way you look afterwards. (Ellie is 3, and I am still trying.) And I know what it's like to feel like all eyes are on those marks and few extra pounds. They aren't, of course. But when they are all you see yourself, you don't expect anyone would see anything else.
And that's why my heart soared as I went going through the pictures I took yesterday at the pool.
You have never, ever been more beautiful.
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Love,
Amanda
