Project Life: A Return

Well, I'm back.

This is my first Project Life since Grampa died.

It's hard for me to believe that the last time I wrote one of these posts, he was only two days away from his last hospital stay. And now he's gone, and my heart will always grieve his loss. I will always wish we had more time, more stories, more moments. But I think it would be a disservice to a man who lived 90 beautiful years and loved us so well not to appreciate what blessings every day can hold. And honestly, my favorite memories of him aren't at holidays or celebrations (except perhaps Jeremy's wedding, when he wore his purple tie for me)--they were every day, normal moments. Because even when he wasn't feeling well, which was often, Grampa never overlooked the blessing of every day.

And that's what Project Life helps me do. Somedays I am quite certain there is nothing of interest to capture on film--life can sometimes be what Gramma Copes calls the "same old seven and six." But then Elaina imagines these wild adventures with her toys or Ellie walks over to Josh with an emphatic, "WEED it, Daddy," and holds out a book he has read no fewer than 10 times that night, and I realize how fleeting these moments are. One of my favorite verses this year has become Psalm 90:12: "Teach us to number our days, that we might gain a heart of wisdom". I want to number my days, because every day is worth numbering.

And with that, welcome to Week 12

Sunday, March 10
Today was a good day, albeit one with last-minute plan changes due to uncooperative weather. We went to church (where, thankfully, both girls have finally taken to being in the nursery. And by both I mean Ellie.), and Josh and I had a good dialouge concerning the message all through lunch. After we finished eating, Ellie and I retreated to her room for our her nap, which lasted longer than I had anticipated it would. We had originally planned on heading to Peoria to do some Easter dress shopping, but when the skies were pouring rain we scrapped those plans and instead made a quick run to Kroger for chicken pot pie ingredients.

As we were getting ready to leave, Ellie brought me her rainboots and insisted I put them on. Then she found her Dora the Explorer snow hat and brought it over with the same look of insistence on her face. I put it on as well, and off she trotted, happy as could be.

Perhaps the seasons are confusing her as well, but she was one happy little fashionista :)

Monday, March 11
Today was Steven's birthday party, which was held at the Rainbow Play Center. Elaina had been excited for days about his party, and it did not disappoint. Steven was, as always, a charmer (which means I didn't take his picture...), his cake was an amazing Lego (which means I didn't take a picture of it, either), and the girls had a blast on the equipment...which I actually took pictures of, shockingly..but these are currently getting eaten by Blogger, and they were mostly blurry anyway. What can I say? Chasing the girls and going down slides and pushing them on swings and eating birthday cake took precedence :)




Tuesday, March 12
We spent this evening coloring. Well, Elaina spent the evening coloring (and a fine job she did!) Ellie spent most of the time trying to put the crayons back in the box. At least she was helping clean!

The pink on the nose is all Ellie colored

Wednesday, March 13
Ellie has been going on something of a napping strike lately, so when we drive home we often have to employ a number of sneaky tactics to ensure she doesn't fall asleep, since a nap that late in the day would be quite disastrous for bedtime. One of Josh's favorite tactics is rolling down the backseat windows, in which Elaina is usually more than happy to participate. And it keeps Ellie awake, which helps her sleep better at night. It's a win for everyone (except maybe me, who freezes most of the drive...)

Thursday, March 14
So the napping strike ended today around 3:25, about 20 minutes before Josh and I get to his folks' house to pick up the girls. We decided to let her continue sleeping, which she did until I woke her up around 4:45 (she was not pleased with this decision, let me assure you). As a result of our later-than-expected leaving, Josh's plans for stirfry were postponed in favor of what he referred to as McEasy. Not something we make a habit of, but there is a time for everything....

Friday, March 15
After a busy week, we enjoyed a quiet evening at home. Elaina imagined a lovely tale of princes and princesses in what I referred to as "the party van", and Ellie and Josh read The Face Book (about 10 times).

Saturday, March 16
Today was busy, busy, busy. When Ellie woke up from her nap, we headed to Peoria to find an Easter dress for Elaina (after I discovered that her Easter dress from 2 years ago would fit Ellie this year--wooho!), get groceries, and run other errands. Our first stop was Burlington Coat Factory, where Josh found an adorable dress. Elaina wasn't sure she liked it at first, since, though it was an Easter dress, it didn't have any Easter eggs on it. Once we explained to her that she could gather the eggs while wearing the dress, she was quite satisfied. We got her and Ellie a few more warmer weather outfits (the delay in spring is actually helping me feel not so behind with the season changes), then headed to TJ Maxx and Kmart looking for a replacement for Elaina's "Mama Bug", which lights up at night and helps her sleep. Both of those trips were futile, and we thought to go any further would be risking the good will of our children, so we headed over to Hy-Vee, got some groceries, and came home.

After dinner, we were playing in Elaina's room, so I decided to try on the clothes we had gotten her. She liked them all, but when we put on the last dress, she insisted on accessorizing with a daisy hat Rachel got for her last spring. Sweet little flower :)

For Grampa Beck

The last two weeks have been hard.

My Grandpa Beck went into the hospital two weeks ago on Thursday. A week ago today, around 3 a.m., he passed into the arms of his Savior, surrounded by those he loved the most. He was 90 years old.

Though we knew the end was near, the letting go has been so hard.

He was such a good, precious man.

People have said to me in the days following his death that he lived a good, long life, as though somehow that should make our pain less.

In some ways, they are right.

He lived a good, long life.

He was born in 1922 and grew up helping his dad farm between school.

When he was 20 years old, he was drafted. He served our country in WWII, fought in the Battle of the Bulge and was wounded there, and earned a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star.

He came home from war and married my gramma. Their anniversary is next month. They made it just shy of 67 years. 67 years.

They had three sons--the middle son is my daddy.

Three sons. Seven grandchildren. 15 great-grandchildren.

A faithful member of his church for 52 years.

He lived a good, long life. But there is so much more to him than that. So much more I will miss.

I will miss him being there. Because he always was, he and Gramma, as long as they were able. Between my cousin Brandon and myself, there were 8th grade promotions and high school graduations every year for 10 years. They never missed one ceremony. They came to our wedding. To Elaina's dedication and her first birthday party. To Ellie's dedication.

Sometimes I would ask, "How are you feeling, Grampa?" And he responded honestly, "Not too great. But I'm here!"

He always, always was.

I will miss how he took the time to make us feel special. I remember telling him on my wedding day how much I loved the lavendar shirt and tie he was wearing. When Jeremy got married the next summer, Grampa wore his tie again. I was so excited and told him it was my favorite. He said, "I know. That's why I wore it." He wore it again to Elaina's dedication. And to Rachel's wedding. It was a simple striped lavendar tie. But it was a tie he wore just for me.

I will miss his laugh, which often teetered this side of mischevious. When I was in college and would come home and visit, we'd often pass an afternoon playing dominoes. I don't think anything brought him more joy than deliberatly messing up one of our trains, particularly Gramma's. She'd let out with an exasperated "Dean Franklin!" and he would just chuckled to himself, and soon his chuckle would catch on to the rest of us and we'd all be laughing. He chuckled the same chuckle when he teased me about "cutting my cat's tail off behind his ears." I thought for awhile he was afraid I'd be a crazy cat lady. And then I met Josh, and he still said it, and still laughed to himself at my exaggerated reactions.

I will miss his tenacity. Grampa Beck was, without question, the toughest person I have ever known. He accepted life as it came to him, whether it be war or illness or old age, and faced it head on. He never, ever complained. And he never stopped fighting. The last three days of his life were so hard, and so many times when we thought we had said our last goodbyes, he'd pull through again. I think he wanted to give each of us a chance to really say goodbye. I think he wanted us to know how much he loved us. I think he wanted us to tell him how much we loved him. He gave us an opportunity to love on him each in our own ways, and I will always be thankful to have had an opportunity to be there, to share in those moments, to whisper in his ear and kiss his cheek and hold his hand. They were the some of the hardest, holiest moments of my life.

And right now, more than anything, I will miss his hugs.They were good hugs, strong and sweet. They said what words could not. And they always smelled of Old Spice. They stayed with me all day, and by simply moving my arm in a certain way I could tell I had been loved by my Grampa. Oh, how I miss his hugs.

Loving him was a privilege. Being loved by him was a blessing beyond words.

People say he lived a good, long life so that maybe we won't hurt as much. They remind us he is with his Savior now, and I know it is true. I am thankful, so very thankful, for that.

But a precious, beautiful, good man is gone. And that is why our hearts are broken.

Project Life: Week 7

Welcome to our Week 7!

Note: this week's edition of Project Life is brought to you by our glowing fireplace, my cozy red robe, and yesterday's DVR'd episode of Talking Dead.

Sunday, February 10
Today I dressed the girls for Valentine's Sunday. It was quite a success.

Taking a picture, however...not so much.

(Kudos to Elaina for cooperating. Apparently it's easier when you're 3!)

Minus the picture taking episode, our day was quite lovely. Church was successful (both girls were playing quite happily when we went to pick them up), Ellie (and I) took a nice long nap (one of the benefits of rocking her to sleep), and we spent the rest of the day relaxing, cuddling, and enjoying our time as a family.


One of my favorite pictures, ever

she loves him so...



Monday, February 11
A quiet day, and a pretty sunset.

Tuesday, February 12
Last summer, for reasons still unknown to me, Elaina began hiding in our kitchen curtains, poking out only her head, and happily proclaiming to her sister sitting in the highchair, "Look, Baby! I'm a beauuuuutiful princess!" She took to doing it again today, and Ellie squealed and reached for her every time. Their exchange lasted probably five minutes, and I can't think of a better way to end dinner.

Today was also noteworthy because Josh noticed something incredible on his way home from picking up the girls. There is a house a block or so from ours that has been in ill-repair since we moved here. We've watched it slowly deteriorate--a dead tree collapsed onto its side, siding fell off, holes appeared in the roof, and grew. We started referring to it as "The Fix Your House-House" and wondered what sort of decay would befall it next. It reminded me of a certain Flare-Side truck that sat in the road across from our duplex after the first flood, a truck which took up a perfectly good parking spot, a truck that never, ever moved, until finally it did. And today, a Bubba Dump appeared outside the Fix Your House-House. The repairs, it seems, have begun.

Wednesday, February13
Knowing the girls had a good day of Valentine's fun waiting for them at Gramma's the next day, we gave them their presents today. Elaina got Llama Llama, Red Pajama (she has Llama Llama Wakey Wake and adores it), and Ellie got Where is Baby's Valentine. After reading their books to them and having dinner, we went to their favorite weekly stop, the library, where Ellie colored with Daddy and Elaina and I did puzzles.

(She turned out to be much more enthused than she appears here)

Thursday, February 14
Today got off to a rough start, when Rachel called me not long after I settled into my desk at work, and said, "Don't worry, but..." and proceeded to tell me that Dad was taking Mom to the hospital because she was displaying symptoms similar to when she had her brain aneurysm. It was a scary, long morning, and I don't think I really exhaled until I got a text from Dad saying there was no new bleed in Mom's brain, that she was just severely dehydrated, and she was going to be admitted so that she could be rehydrated and treated for her pain.

Thankfully, I got to talk to her after work, and though she sounded weak, hearing her voice was reassuring. And then we got to pick up our little munchkins and take them home and tell them how much we love them. (This was after grabbing their sundry goodies from Gramma and Auntie Danielle--candy, books, sippy cups, and stuffed animals--a frog for Ellie (who loves saying "wabbut" when asked what a frog says), and a unicorn for Elaina.

Elaina was beside herself excited because Steven had sent her a Valentine's gift via his dad, and she knew it was coming and that she had to eat a good dinner before she could open it. Imagine her delight at seeing a Hello Kitty doll and a Hello Kitty flower fishing game, with which she spent the rest of the evening entertaining herself.

The girls also got cards from Gramma and Pampah, which Ellie was more than happy to show me.

Here go, mama

Friday, February 15
A much better day. Mom was released from the hospital. The day at work went relatively quickly, and Josh and I got to have lunch together. And then someone who turned 19 months old today thought she required a pre-dinner snack and helped herself to the crackers we'd set out for chili, munching happy as could be.

Saturday, February 16
What a nice Saturday. We relaxed a bit in the morning and then went to Costco with Rita so she could have a look around and we could stock up on more fruit. We came home and had lunch, and then Ellie took a nap. I hadn't been feeling great all week, so I took advantage of getting to hold her and slept, too. When she woke up we ran to Kroger so Josh could get some ingredients for a homemade pizza (which was deeeelish, by the way). While he was checking out, a worker asked if the girls might like a Valentine's Day balloon to take home. Did they ever!

Have a lovely, blessed week!



Project Life: Week 6

Welcome to our Week 6 : )

Sunday, February 3
After a rough, rough Saturday, Elysia awoke in a markedly better mood.

For awhile I was optimistic that we'd be able to go to church. That optimism waned pretty quickly when her nose started to run an unfortunate shade of green. I tried pushing the idea, but Josh gently reminded me that 1) since we now volunteer in the nursery, we should abide by its rules (re: no green allowed), and 2) if I knew someone had brought a sick child to church and the last two weeks had been the consequence of that decision, I wouldn't be very happy, and we didn't want to do that to another family. So we stayed home, again, and enjoyed the soft snow that was collecting outside our backdoor.

 

It turned out to be a wise decision, because Ellie fell asleep on my shoulder at just past 10:00--about the time we'd otherwise be getting ready to leave. And in my disappointment, I still got to have some good time with God, as it turns out, reading a book I'd read several years before but not appreciated in the same way I am now.

The day continued to be good one. Ellie woke up happy, and though we were sad to watch the snow melt away, everyone was feeling well enough to go watch some of the SuperBowl at my in-laws, and we had a really nice time.

Monday, February 4
Monday started early, when Elaina came into our room a little past 1:00, crying and disoriented. Josh took her to the bathroom and she told him her ear hurt. He put her back to bed, and 30 minutes later she was back, this time with a fever. The night continued this way, despite giving her tylenol, and when I got a text from Rita confirming our little girl wasn't her normal, playful self, I called the doctor and made an appointment for later in the afternoon.

Poor little sweetie had an infection in her left ear and was working on one in her right.

Needless to say, she got lots of cuddles and kisses to go along with her antibiotic, especially from her daddy, whom she loves so very much.

Tuesday, February 5
Today I got a wonderful suprise in the mail: a note from a fellow blogger whom I find to be honest and inspirational. The note made my night...and it's still on our fridge :)

Wednesday, February 6
With a few days' worth of medication for Elaina and two weeks' worth of fighting off a very resistant bug, the girls were finally starting to feel better tonight. We took them upstairs to play, and they really had a great time.

my sweethearts

 Thursday, February 7
All my hopeful expectations that the girls were almost back to usual came to a screeching halt around 3:30 this morning, when Elaina came to our room covered in sickness. She had no fever and wasn't complaining of feeling ill otherwise, so Josh popped her in our bath while I took care of the mess. Thankfully, she had a very good day afterwards, but the same couldn't be said for Ellie, who was, to put it bluntly, a crank. When we went to pick the girls up, she played the "Don't look at me, Mommy, unless you want the full wrath of my 18 month self poured upon your head," game, which of course means I looked at her and she began wailing for Gamma, Gamma (upon whose lap she was already sitting). Great for the self-esteem, let me tell you. All of this is to say that she finally snapped out of it at home and happily occupied herself destroying our tupperware cabinet for a good 20 minutes.

Hey, whatever it takes. Little stinker.

 

Friday, Februray 8
Tonight Elaina put together a soft foam floor puzzle and presented it to me as her quilt. Guess all that time with her Gramma, who is a very talented, self-taught quilter, is rubbing off.

Saturday, February 9
The first wholly good Saturday we've had in weeks. We got to sleep in ever so slightly, watch the news and have coffee while the girls played, and then make a long overdue trip to Target (aka my happy place) and Fresh Market to pick up some groceries for dinner. When we got back, we had lunch, and Ellie took a great nap. While she slept, Elaina helped me make M & M Valentine's Day cookies, a few of which she embellished herself. When she sampled her handywork later, it got her seal of approval.

 

Elaina's version of a thumb's up

Rita came over for dinner, and we had a great visit; the girls definitely enjoyed have Gramma at their house (which of course means I didn't take a single picture....). The rest of the evening went smoothly, and Josh and I rounded off a successful Saturday by watching an episode of The Walking Dead from last season, to gear up for the mid-season premiere on the next day.

By all accounts, it was a pretty normal Saturday. And that made it downright fantastic.

Project Life: Week 5



Welcome to our Week 5 :)

Sunday, January 27
Today wasn't quite the day I had planned. I had planned on making blueberry pancakes for everyone and lingering over a nice cup of coffee with my parents. I had planned on having the entire morning to visit with them before they left and we got ready for church. I had planned on swallowing my fears and sending the girls to the nursery while we listened to a sermon.

But when Josh and I got back from our Giles Day date, Ellie had a fever, and she slept terribly Saturday night into Sunday. Then, despite the fact that much like last year, this has been a dry, non-winter weather event-y season, we got a dose of freezing rain and sleet, with worse weather towards home, so Mom and Dad had to leave not long after breakfast (at least I got to make the pancakes). With Ellie sick, and gloomy weather, and ruined plans, we spent the day at home, in our jammies...a fitting way to spend such a day as that.

On the bright side, I did get a nice picture of Elaina on Mom's lap, enthusiastically telling her something, which for now I can't remember. :) I am so glad they came, and I am so glad my girls love them so much.

Monday, January 28
The dreary weather continued today, and by late afternoon we were wrapped in a grey fog. It was haunting and beautiful and fitting, since both of the girls were sick.

Tuesday, January 29
Poor Elysia. For a third day she battled a low-grade fever, congestion, and lethargy, symptoms of a severe, lingering headcold. It was a day of tough reports from Rita, who was heaping all the TLC on Ellie that she could. When we got home tonight, we put on a cartoon (most likely Max and Ruby, since that is Elaina's current obsession) as a treat, and they relaxed on the floor together.

Wednesday, January 30
Ellie finally seemed to be doing a little better, so tonight was library night. Elaina was so excited to bring home her books in the LaLa Loopsey bookbag she got for Christmas (thank you, Auntie Danielle!), and she insisted on sidling up next to Daddy on the couch with her spoils. While he reviewed the latest Burgess Seed catalog, she engrossed herself in the tales of Mercer Mayer, Dumbo, and the Aristocats.

Thursday, January 31
Friday was a treat day at work, so I decided to try a new recipe: Nutella Chocolate Chip Banana Bread (thank you, Pinterest). My darling little sous chef diligently pulled her chair next to the island to help, even making sure that her dollies were able to watch. I think her favorite part, however, was licking out the measuring cup I'd used for the Nutella :)

Friday, February 1
The highlight of the entire day occurred around 6:05 a.m., while I sat on the floor in our closet, contemplating how I was going to get dressed with a clingy, better-but-still-unwell baby in my lap. Elaina burst in with a smile. She was holding her tutu, crown, and one of my old self-tanner pouches which, thanks to her little sister, and migrated out of our bathroom and into her room. Elaina looked at me expectantly and said, "Mama, I wanna be a princess." And so a princess she became.

Dance, sweet princess

I wish I could say that the rest of the day was as good, but I can't. Ellie's fussiness returned with a vengance, and, after a week solid of not being able to move two feet away from her without her bursting into tears or screeching with indignation, worrying about her fevers and congestion and whether she was eating enough I felt completely drained. As I rocked her to sleep, I found myself calculating how much shopping I could get done at Target if I left as soon as I laid her down. Not one of my better parenting moments, but an honeset one, nonetheless.

Saturday, February 2
Today started with great promise. Both Ellie and Elaina woke up in happy moods, playful and cheery. After a quick morning of coffee, cartoons, and news, we packed them up and headed to my brother and sister-in-law's to pick up the quarter side of beef we had butchered. It was a nice visit, and though my sweet neice Brycelynn was a little shy, the girls had fun playing and exploring and showing off to their aunt and uncle.

When we left, we unknowingly entered into a game of Parenting Fail Dominoes, where one seemingly inconsequential decision slams into the next, until the entire day is reduced to rubble. (Okay, maybe not that bad...but the day called for hyperbole, so hyperbole you get.) Here's how it went down:

Ellie fell asleep on our way out of town, and instead of going home, we went to get lunch.

Mistake #1.

She didn't eat well, though Elaina had a good time and managed to make me laugh so hard I almost cried.

After lunch, we decided to head to East and check out the new Costco.

Mistake #2.

Ellie refused to ride in the cart, so my right bicep benefited from carrying her around the store for 40 minutes. Thankfully that appeased her, and both she and Elaina enjoyed the free samples, most of all the pear.

On the way home, Ellie fell asleep about 10 minutes from our front door. We decided to just go home, lay her down, and hope for the best.

Mistake #3, though not apparent at first.

She woke up about 10 minutes later and for the time being was in a happy mood. So we had movie night with Milo and Otis and I made hot chocolate for everyone. It was Elaina's first time trying it. She was rather enthusiastic :)

During the movie, Ellie's mood soured once again, so I took her to her room for a nap. Which she fought for probably 30 minutes, mostly crying with her eyes shut and calling out for Dada, Gamma, Papa, or anyone she thought would take her part. Finally, she fell asleep, again.

For 20 minutes.

The rest of the day is a blur between Elaina being sweet, Ellie wavering between total meltdown and semi-consciousness (evidenced by the fact she fell asleep in her highchair at dinner), and me wanting to shove something sharp into my eye, because at the time it seemed a more fun option.

This quite accurately and painfully sums up our Saturday:

Poor baby.

She went to bed an hour early, and Elaina got some good one-on-one time with her parents. And then she went to bed, and Josh and I collapsed, but we lived to tell about it.

Thank goodness.