Elaina Laughs

A New Blessing

I have made my official announcement to family, to friends, and, as of last Thursday, to co-workers, so now I make it here: We're having a baby! :) I am 17wks 2 days along, and our little one is due to join the family on October 31st (no comments about a little monster!). Here is the first picture we have, taken at 6wks 3 days:

Actually, this is the only picture we have so far. We won't get to see our little one again for four weeks or more, and I can't wait.

To answer some commonly answered questions:
1) No, we don't know what we're having.
2) No, right now we leaning towards not finding out. I have been given copious advice on why this is the wrong decision (how will you buy for the baby? won't it be easier to become more attached if you know? what ever will people buying for showers buy? how can you possibly wait until October?), and my response to all of it is that no matter what this little one is, we love it, and we are thrilled to have him or her join the family. I think that's more important than a nursery color scheme, personally.
3) Yes, we're pretty sure it's only one. We've only heard one heartbeat (twice! Once at 156 bpm, once at 146), and during the first ultrasound, we only saw one flutter. It sure was a beautiful sight, though.
4) Yes, we have some names picked out, but for the most part we're keeping them to ourselves. But to be clear, we have two for a girl and two for a boy, so we're covered either way.

In the last week or so, I've felt the little one move more--more than a flutter, anyway. It's such an odd feeling, and each time Josh comes and puts his hand on my belly, hoping to feel something. It hasn't happened yet, but I think it will in the next few weeks. Feeling the baby move has made this seem more real than it had--since I've gotten over the morning (re: all day) sickness, and since my abdomen isn't expanding at an alarming rate (yet, though it's starting to become more noticeable), the only reminder we've had was the thump-thump-thump-thump on the fetal dopplar at my last appointment. But there is still something in there, and it's alive, and it's part of me and it's part of Josh, and it is wonderful and terrifying all at the same time.

The last few days I have just been struck by what a blessing this baby is, and I think I'm beginning to fall more and more in love with this new life. There are moments when it still seems so surreal--yesterday we went to look for cribs, and I couldn't hardly believe in a short amount of time we'll be using it. We have such an incredible opportunity to love. I get to love this life and nourish it these next few months and help it grow, and then I get to love it for the rest of its life. I get to see my husband love it, to put his hands on my belly and talk to it, to watch his eyes sparkle as he talks about helping it grow. I get to see my husband in this child, and now I find such joy in thinking of the parts of Josh he or she may have. I get to love this baby in my family, to love my parents as grandparents, my brother and sister as an uncle and aunt. I get to teach this little one about Jesus. I'm just so thankful.

For the sake of historical preservation...

It seems almost cliche to comment on today's weather, but for the sake of historical accuracy, please allow me to make the following remark: today was stinking cold. When I woke up a little before 6:00, the windchill in Peoria was -28. The actual temperature was a balmy -17. I think the high was somewhere in the neighborhood of -8. I like winter--fleece jammy pants, hot tea, snow (snow that, unlike in Rockford, actually melts here once in a while), memories of when Josh and I first met. But this, this goes beyond winter. This is painful, tear-inducing, booger-freezing cold. This is just ridiculous.

Can I get sunshine with a side of beach, please?

Pictures of Blessings

Beautiful winter days

Mom and Daddy

Mario & Rita

My family

My smiling, wonderful nephew

Gramma & Grampa Beck

Gramma Copes

Winston (my first true love)

Chappu (aka "the baby")

And, of course, my wonderful husband

Happy New Year!

Welcome, 2009!

I love the new year. It's always full of such hope, such anticipation. On January 1st, the year can always be "the year everything changes." 2005 was that year for me. That's the year I met Josh, on a cold January evening in Dr. Giles African-American lit class. I suppose, though, that "the year everything changes" is every year. In 2006, Josh and I were married. That certainly changed everything! And Mom had her aneurysm, and lived. In 2007, I finished grad school, Josh and I survived our second flood, we got Chappu, and we had good jobs. In 2008, we rang in the new year asleep after driving through a blizzard to make it back to Rockford, the trip taking five hours instead of the usual three. We planned a trip to Hawaii that fell through, we tried to move and couldn't, until we finally gave up and things fell into place, we went on vacation to Nashville, I moved in with Rita and Mario and started my new job, and a few weeks later, Josh came, too. Jeremy got married in August. Grampa Beck got sick in October. Lupe got sick at the beginning of December. It was a busy, terrifying, adventerous, wonderful year.

And I am excited to see what this year will hold. This January 1, I have a less clear picture of the next 365 days. Last January 1, I knew Josh and I would be trying to move closer to home, that we'd even maybe try to buy a home, that we'd go on vacation somewhere. We are here now, and we have jobs. I can only wonder at what I'll think of 2009 when it comes to a close. But I anticipate, and I hope, and I remember what Jeff Crosno once said: "I do not know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future."

Right now, though, I am just thankful for the time we've had off this holiday season. It has been absolutely fantastic. We've slept in nearly every morning, I've had a chance to watch the Today Show and the judge shows in the afternoon, Josh has been able to try out his (several) new video games, we've been able to visit his Gramma several times, and we haven't thought a whole lot about job security or the bad economy. We've just been thankful for the time we've had with our families, and with each other. And we still have three whole days to enjoy. Yay!

A Fantastic Day

Today, dear readers (if I indeed have readers other than myself), has been a fantastic day.

Today I slept in and woke up in my husband's arms, surrounded by our cats. Our usual wake time is before 6:00, so we have been taking advantage of our break by sleeping in. Every morning has felt like a Saturday. It is glorious.

Today, I finally got my hair cut. It has been a long time coming, and had recently driven me to the point of distraction, so I told the stylist to do as she pleased, so long as it was darker and shorter than when I arrived. She did, and I am very pleased with the results. It is a shade or two darker than my natural color and has caramel highlights, and it is now above my shoulders. I feel much more like an adult and less than a scraggly teenager now, so it was well worth the time and money.

Today I met with my first college roommate, Amber, and had coffee and got to hold her new baby girl. We haven't seen each other in a number of years, but through the miracle that is Facebook we were able to reconnect. And I had such a lovely time. Much like when we were in college, we just have an understanding, or much common ground, a common experience and perspective. So many times she would say something and I was like, hello, feel the same way. I wish she didn't live so far away, but I am hopeful we'll do much better at keeping in touch than we have in the past. Perhaps it will give Josh & I an excuse to roadtrip :)

Today I came home from my coffee catching up and made sausage and wild rice chowder, which was delicious, and then watched Kung Fu Panda with my husband, which we saw earlier this summer. It was as funny as I remembered, an enjoyable way to pass the evening. I am currently watching Josh try out one of his new games, and I can't think of a better way to end my perfectly wonderful day.

Christmas Vacation

Back from Christmas. Will attempt to post some pictures later. Was a wondeful time, and, thankfully, Lupe made it through. She is still with us, though only God knows for how much longer--every day is an unexpected blessing. A couple of days ago she recognized Josh and called him mijo, which she hasn't done in quite some time. It really touched him--he said as a child he didn't think of Spanish as Spanish, but as his grandmother's language. Here's hoping today is a comfortable day for her, and that she knows she is surrounded by love.

Josh and I have the week off of work. Because we are not Company employees, we don't get paid for the full week, but I really don't care. I am just enjoying the time. Josh is going to hang out with one of his old buddies later this week, and I am hopefully going to get together with my first college roommate tomorrow or Wednesday, whom I haven't seen in several years (thank you, Facebook!). And I may get together with a high school friend this weekend as well. Beyond that, the goal is simple relaxation. I have a stack of old People magazines to get through, plus a new Repairman Jack novel. I have a new KitchenAid mixer to try out (thanks, honey!!!!) and some cleaning to get caught up on. I want to get my hair cut, and I'm thinking about getting it colored (perhaps darker this time). We have Mario's birthday to celebrate on Wednesday, and we're ringing in the new year with Rotel, lil' smokies, and some sparkling cider we got for Christmas.

And then we get to begin a new year. I always find that to be an exciting and apprehensive time, just because it is so uncertain and so full of hope. 2008 has been a good year, though not without its struggles (moving, jobs, family illness, etc). But I am thankful for it. Josh and I got to go on our first vacation since our honeymoon this summer, and we were able to move this summer. We have new jobs--I love mine, and he's advancing in his. We are near family and got to enjoy birthday parties, job celebrations, Bernadotte, Rachel's safe arrival home from Kenya, Jeremy's wedding, and a thousand other things. I don't know what 2009 will hold, but I'm excite for it.

And now...off to find some lunch!

The Long Goodbye

I haven't written in awhile. I guess when you spend all day in front of a computer, the last thing you want to do is sit there again. Today, however, I'm in a bit more of a comfortable position, so here I am.

We've had a long week. Josh's Gramma Lupe has been in the hospital since Monday, and today she is going home, to hospice, to her family, to the quiet yellow house she has called home for over 50 years. She is not going to get well; while the end has been a long time in coming, its beginning has finally begun.

And it is hard. It is hard to see the sadness in everyone's eyes when they gather around her bedside. It is hard to hear them remember stories, to laugh a laugh that is joy mixed with hurt and anticipation. It is hard to hear her voice, to try to make a memory of its sound and its roll and its mix of Spanish and English. It is hard to see the helpless look on my husband's face, and it is hard to hear his mother lean over and tell stories to Lupe, trying to offer her comfort. It is hard to watch my father-in-law, a proud, quiet man, kiss his mother's cheek and step back with red eyes. It is hard to watch his grandfather reach for Lupe's hand and to hear him say, "You'll go home with me, Lupe. We'll go home," knowing that going home means precious few moments together. It is hard, because there are no right words, no ways to comfort, and only being there with nothing else to offer seems so inadequate in the face of such love and such pain.

I don't know how to be there, I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to say. But I will be there, no matter what.

Happy Thoughts

Good happenings in the lives of the Serranos:

We got to meet Rachel's "African parents," Chris and Irene, a few weeks ago. It was a great experience--so clear how much they love her. Perhaps I will be a bit less apprehensive when she goes back next summer. Maybe. And to add to it, we drove with Jeremy and Rylan, which meant I got to spend the drive in the backseat with a very entertaining year and a half old. :)

Rachel came to visit last weekend. We took her to Tanner's and had caramel apples for lunch. And she took me shopping and convinced me to buy jeans because, for once, they were the right length. When she left, Josh and I went miniature golfing. Two things to note there: First, I got a hole in one, which I don't think I've ever done before (okay, it's mini-golf, but it was an accomplishment to me!). Second, I beat Josh. I don't think that's ever happened. I was quite pleased :)

We think we've found a church to settle at, at least for now. I am very hopeful we'll have many opportunities to get involved, and in the meantime, we have very good sermons to look forward to each week.

Yesterday was Josh's birthday, and I think it was a success. We had pepper steak for supper, and afterwards, we went to the music store so I could buy him his gift, a new classical guitar. (Chappu broke the other one.) I think he's quite happy with it, as he played it for an hour or so once we got home.

This weekend we're going to the Spoon River Drive. I can't wait to go to Bernadotte, find some good crafty things, eat bad-for-me-food, and spend time with my family. It's going to be a great time.

That's all for now...

Broken Heart

We must move from asking God to take care of the things that are breaking our hearts, to praying about the things that are breaking His heart. ~Margaret Gibb

Today at work I realized I was having one of "those" days--while outwardly I was my normal, happy-go-lucky self, inwardly my heart was hurting. A lot is going on in the lives of people I love. A woman from my parents' church--one of the most boisterous, outgoing people I have ever met, whose laugh fills up rooms and who has been filling in since my pastor retired--was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer and is having surgery tomorrow. In preparation for her surgery, the doctors did x-rays and found a spot on her liver. Josh's grandmother is slowly fading away; she has been fighting Parkinson's for so long, and I think she is just getting tired. We used to be lucky, it seemed, to visit her on good days, but good days are now few and far between, if at all. My uncle is having a hard time finding good work. He worked so hard to put himself through school and can't see the good it did, and he is so discouraged. And another loved one is going through a trial I can't begin to imagine, dealing with the circumstances of a past decision. It's clear that sometimes, no matter how sorry you are, you can't go back and fix things, and it hurts, too.

Usually on days like today I stop and count my blessings. I think that's a good thing to do, really, to stop and think upon all we have to be thankful for: health, love, good jobs, a home, quiet fall evenings, access to healthcare, so on and so forth, and to thank God for His graciousness, which I don't think we come close to understanding. It helps to put things in perspective, to have a way to look up when you're feeling down.

But today I decided I needed to feel down. I needed to feel my heart breaking, because I knew the pain in my heart was pain God was feeling, too. I know sickness was not His plan any more than broken hearts, for whatever reason, were. But humanity broke His heart, and we continue to break it every day, even as our own hearts are broken. And maybe, somehow, by feeling this pain, I will get a glimpse into God's glory, even glory in sadness, because He has glory there. And maybe by allowing myself to feel this sadness, I will know a tiny, tiny piece of the sadness of God, and revel in His love for us, and it will move me to pray for those things that break His heart even more than my own.

Feelin' hot, hot, hot....

(Cheesy title, I know. Deal with it.)

Well, it's hot, but considering the summer we've had, I won't complain. Yesterday was worse, and tomorrow is supposed to be markedly better. So no whining from me...for now :)

Had a lovely, wonderful, relaxing, busy Labor Day weekend. As tradition requires, we went home to Colchester. Saturday we spent much of the day at Argyle, casually walking through the enormous flea market, getting a few odds and ends, and then, of course, enjoying the ribeye from the Cattlemen's Association, a cold lemon shakeup, and that miracle of the pioneer, kettle corn. (Mom says we don't come home to visit on Labor Day weekend, we come home to eat. While it isn't true, sometimes you'd think it by the way we talk!) Saturday evening we had a cookout--Gramma and Grampa Beck came, as did Aunt Naomi and Gramma Copes. I had a fantastic time. Lots of time to catch up, lots of good things to eat--Gramma Copes and I shared a birthday cake (the first time that has happened--it was early for her and late for me) and later we had s'mores. On Sunday, we went to the community church service and then to the parade in the afternoon.

Jeremy, Nikki, and Rylan came--it was nice to see them, as this was the first time we'd all been together since their wedding. And I have to say, being an aunt is a pretty cool thing, especially to a boy as sweet as Rylan is. I'm completely smitten.


Of all the things I'm thankful for, I'll never be able to say how grateful I am for my family.

Lessons Learned

On the way home today, Josh and I were talking about our work environment in Rockford. We talked about the demands of our respective positions--ridiculous timelines, customer pressure, internal practices. While I'm thankful I had a job while we lived in Rockford, and while I appreciate the work experience it provided, I do not miss the stress, the pounding headaches I developed almost every morning between 9 and 10, or the grey hairs I used to find every morning in the mirror (this sounds silly, but I honestly think they went away when I moved...).

Our discussion made me realize two things. One, I am so glad to be out of that environment. This isn't to suggest that my new job doesn't come with stress of its own, but I consider it "reasonable" stress, like trying to wrap my mind around everything we do, since it will impact my work, which is not to be confused with "unreasonable" stress, like trying to meet deadlines in 24 hours when usually I was promised two weeks, back to back to back to back to back. I haven't had a single stress headache since I started, and I haven't had to bang my head on my desk once. (This was usual practice at my old job.)

Second, all of that stress I experienced in Rockford wasn't without its benefits. Going through it made me realize that, to an extent, I don't have to go through it. I put pressure on myself to pull off miracles, but when I realized that, unless you're Jesus, miracles don't happen just because you want them to, it was a relief. All I could do was my best. I didn't give less than that, but I realized that I couldn't give more, either. That attitude served me well as I wrapped up my time in Rockford, and it's served me well thus far in my new job. The nice thing is that here, for a change, doing my best is all that is asked of me.

So it's been awhile

I haven't written since last fall. Oops...

Instead of trying to wrap nearly a year's worth of events into one post, which would be far too much work for me and, I'm afraid, far too boring for anyone to want to read, here is where we are now.

Josh and I moved to Peoria. We both have jobs at a fantastic company, for which we are so very thankful. And we still get to have lunch together every day. We are renting a house with a yard and an attached garage, that's about ten minutes from anywhere we might need to be, and that's no where near the river or a flood plain of any sort. Winston has a little brother, Chappu, who will have been a part of our family for a year in October. They both seem quite content to have windows through which they can watch the world go by.

Our summer has been busy, stressful, hectic, and full of change, but the end of the transition finally came, and here we are. We made it!

And hopefully, this means you'll be hearing a lot more from me from now on...

Ahh....

It is currently 67 degrees in Rockford, with a gusty wind. I have on the pants I wore to work, but instead of the pink wool sweater that kept me warm (and was relatively itch-free), I am snuggled up in an old Olivet sweatshirt and a pair of Josh's socks, which I justified stealing because they go up further on my legs than mine do. Last night we had to put two blankets on the bed. Tonight, we may not even be able to crack the windows.

(Inexplicably, the Juarez ice cream bells are ringing in the distance. Ice cream...no. But hot chocolate? A definite maybe!)

Fall is here, I think. Hurray!

Saturday

We've made it through another week, with God's help and presence. And today is a beautiful fall day--warm, but not too hot or too cool, clear blue skies, a soft breeze, and the smell of autumn's approach. I love mornings like these, perhaps even more because I can enjoy them from home and not long for them as I wistfully (and wishfully) look out of the office window.

Today Josh and I will have a quiet kind of day. We are going out to lunch, then to run a few errands. I have to get his birthday present, and we need to get some supplies for the Mexican food we're making for supper tomorrow. This afternoon I might make some caballero cookies, might begin to organize my scrap book, might watch a little Food network. Josh will probably read or play his video game, and we will make dinner together later. A UFC is on cable tonight, so I know how my evening will be spent. And tomorrow we will wake and go to church.

Today I am thankful for everyday beauty. And now, I'm going to go enjoy it.

Just a quick update, before I drag Josh away from his video game so we can take a walk.

Things are going well in the Serrano household.

That's it.

Just kidding. :)

Labor Day weekend was loads of fun. We traipsed around Argyle (Josh found two old cowboy records, Mom found an antique), had lemon shakeups and ribeyes and kettle korn and chester chips (I seriously gained about fifteen pounds just looking at all the goodies. And then I ate them!) Got to see the fireworks and the parade and Sarah & Luke, went to church uptown and had lunch with the family, played with Oreo, and went to Gramma's to celebrate her birthday. Came home exhausted and had a very relaxing day yesterday and managed to scrub the bathroom clean, too.

This morning, I don't think I had loathed the thought of work quite so much since I worked in TN, and there, I loathed every day. But we got up and went, anyway...oh, what we must do to pay the bills! Josh has been having a time with his BW lately, which I won't detail here, but it is making him rather anxious to move. I am excited about our future too---if only we could convince Rachel to come! Honestly, I think that's where most (95%) of my hesitation comes from: I want to be near Mom and Dad and Mario and Rita, and I want to settle there and start a family, but I hate the thought of not living ten minutes up the road from her. I don't know when we'll move, but I am quite sure that will be the hardest part for me.

Josh and I applied for FEMA aid and a contractor came and talked to us this afternoon. Don't know if anything will come of it, but it couldn't hurt to try. Nothing for the truck, the non-essential stuff in the basement, but perhaps a little reimbursement for the washer and dryer, and a shot at a low interest loan. Honestly, I hope it helps people who lost their basements and such...but I won't complain if we get a little help, too.

Well, it is officially dusky and has cooled off enough for me to make my attempt at a walk. Just a note if he complains: it was his idea to begin with!

August in pictures

August started out as a nice month. Josh and I didn't travel the first weekend. We worked, relaxed, and went to our church on Sunday.

Then, on Tuesday the 8th, I woke up and saw this:


It's very dark, but if you look closely, you can make out the top of our truck, which, along with the rest of the road, was under 5 feet of water. It had already gone down at least a half foot or more.

I cried.

A few hours later, the firemen rescued us off our front porch, again. These were the same firemen who came to get us last year. This is the view down 14th street from the boat:



Later that afternoon, when the water had receded some, we went back home to get Winston and some clothes for work. Here is a picture of Rachel and me walking through our alley. The water was over my knees at one point:




Needless to say, we lost both a few things: our vehicles, a few items of clothing, six cds, Josh's muay thai equipment, our washer and dryer, and worst for me, a tupperware that hadn't been closed all the way, which held cards Grampa Copes had written in. I'm still pretty sick over that. But God is faithful, and we made it out okay.

Our landlord had the basement cleaned the very next day. Our company gave us a paid day off. Rachel let us stay with her for the week. With our insurance (the company once again treated us phenomenally), we were able to get a new car before the week was up:


(It's just like the old one, but shiny, new, and black! In the background, you can see our rental, a PT Cruiser. Josh hated it.)

So here we are, a few weeks out from the second flood we've lived through in the past 11 months. We are doing okay...even better, really. We're happy, blessed, and so very thankful for all we have.

Most of all, each other.

On Reading

Lately I've noticed that, when it comes to reading, I have developed post-graduate ADD: I can't seem to stay focused or overly interested in anything I've started this summer. Not Donald Miller's "new" book (which is at least two years old). because I started it right after school and didn't have the motivation to read one more thing that made me think (even if I really enjoy his style and his thoughts.) Not The Shepherd of the Hills, which to this day remains my favorite book of all time, because I started it right before the July travel extravaganza began. And not a historical non-fiction book about the New Madrid earthquakes Mom let me borrow, because my evenings seem to be full of other activities that are more pressing, like playing Final Fantasy X in the air conditioning. I think my brain has needed time to decompress, which may be why it refuses to soak up anything longer than Glamour. (Yes, I read Glamour. And I like it. Sue me.)

Perhaps once the weather cools, and our traveling slows, and other activities seem less pressing, I'll jump back into reading at a more normal pace for myself. I do miss it, really. At least this fall I won't be burdened with reading at least two novels every week--not that reading two novels in a week is in and of itself a burden, but looking for the right angle around which one can both sound halfway intelligent in class immediately and frame a late-in-the-semester argument for one of two or three 20-pg term papers, all while trying to remember the subtleties of plots and characters, certainly can be. And they will be novels of my own choosing, not of someone else's. They will be what I like and not what someone tells me I should like, or, at the very least, appreciate as a hallmark of The Canon. So if I read War and Peace or the next Repairman Jack novel, no one is going to judge my taste in literature (except perhaps Josh, who would probably vote for Repairman Jack): I am no longer chained to the ideal of an English major. That's nice, too. Sometimes I think novels are simply notches on the belt for English majors, so to speak. A point upon which one can be braggadocios, but which, in the end, don't really mean much at all.

Here's to reading (or conversely, not reading at all) what I want to because I want to, not because I have to or because I think I should. Here's to remembering why I loved literature enough to study it for six years to begin with. Here's to cool nights and hot tea and good books, and to hazy summer evenings where I do nothing but drape myself across the bed in the one room of our duplex that is air conditioned, playing video games and watching movies and old Seinfeld episodes..

That sounds pretty darn good right now...

Quickly

Josh & I have Chinese on the way, so this will be quick. (It is entirely too hot to cook, though somehow my dearest beloved convinced me to make chili last night...)

To sum up the last month and a half: exhausting.

This weekend is the first in four we will not travel. Chillicothe, home, Dr. B's wedding. Before that, a weekend off, then: Rachel left for Kenya, we went home, we celebrated our anniversary, we went to Six Flags, and we went to Chillicothe, again. Somewhere in the middle, our computer died and was resuscitated by a coworker's boyfriend.

I want to write more, but it is too hot in the study to stay. How I love the humidity of late summer :)

More to come, promise...

One Year Ago Today